a year of here

~ Two Thousand and Sixteen ~ A year of Here ~

~ 10 renewals ~
1) Be Grateful – make gratitude purposeful and focused. Make a mental and written list of what I am grateful for and work to miss nothing.
2) Lean in & Reach out– commit NOT to live peripherally ~ pay attention to where I am and who I am with when I am there in the moment...listening, looking, thinking, responding, considering each decision despite the size...be real and relational, always allowing for the “Kingdom” moments. Reach out and be available for relationships that are real, honest, open and transparent.
3) Simplify – travel lightly...don’t buy, don’t want, don’t wish for...focus on only what I need and be satisfied with what I have. Slough off the unnecessary whenever possible. Lighten the load in all things, all areas, all places...
4) Give – Find ways to help to those in need, look for them, find them, go to them, see them as God does... help my kids see them as God sees them and foster in my children a desire for benevolence without judgment...Do this sacrificially.
5) Be still & obey...daily – find the early morning space a time to seek God and his will for my life on a daily basis...surrender to the plans he lays out for me each morning and follow them...pray big and live bigger. This will involve surrendering my need for theapproval of man.
6) Pursue peace – don’t allow anxiety, tension, worry, or concern to take up too much real estate in my mind or my sleep.
7) Learn –read Gates of Splendor & The biography of George Muller...and more...
8) Live out patience – learn to respond instead of react... practice it with my children, my husband, my time, my mouth and my words...do this in the small and in the big...wait for all things with heart of gratitude and hopefulness...
9) Teach – never miss opportunities to teach, display, show, exemplify Christ, God’s word, and principles, to my children...when necessary use words...allow for focused times of devotion, teaching , and open communication with the family.
10) Filter Love– filter love for others first through Christ’s love for me allowing me to love my Jeff, my kids, my home, my friends more fully, more sacrificially, more obediently, and more focused...

Investments ~

A couple of years ago I studied about the relationship between Paul and Timothy. I learned that what attracted Paul to Timothy in the first place was his knowledge of the scriptures, in combination with his sincere faith, and he was so impressed that he called Timothy into service with him. So, I did a little research on Jewish culture and found, “It was the glory of the Jews that their children from their earliest days were trained in the law. They claimed that their children learned the law from their swaddling clothes and drank it in with their mother’s milk…the law was so imprinted on their heart and mind of a Jewish child that he would sooner forget his own name that he would forget the law…” 

Then I began to think of myself… When my children were younger spent time, energy and money getting them children "ready."Before school started, I took would take them shopping for “cool” clothes and “the latest” tennis shoes...Tennis shoes that they would wear to his weekly tennis lessons...so that they would be able and "ready" to play as an adult...gotta have the option...right...I would tell myself it is an investment for their future. I also taught them letters and their sounds well before they started school... gotta be "ready"...right? I signed them up for football, ballet, and tumbling...that was just what you did ...right..to get them "ready."

Being sure my children were "ready" for things…like school, sports, a social life, college, a career was fine and necessary…but, I am grateful that along the way I began to feel the same burden and angst on getting them ready for their higher calling…in fact, their highest calling? I began to realize that a focus on them knowing the scriptures, knowing God and His attributes, knowing what we believe in light of what others would love for them to believe, and knowing Christ as Lord of their life far outweighs letters and tennis shoes!

As I think of Paul and Timothy I wonder…who will be attracted to my children’s character and faith, and understanding of spiritually deep things...who will be impressed enough to remember them and call upon them…what qualities and knowledge am I instilling in them that will draw people to them…the way someone like Paul was drawn to Timothy… who will be drawn into their lives because of their spiritual character…to minister to them and lead them deeper into life’s journey...deeper into what they are being equipped for...deeper into their calling.

Sooo....did we quit football and tumbling? Did we drop letter memorization...did we forget about the school clothes??? No we did not, that was never the point...but I was and still am convicted to rise up in my children another kind of "ready"...spiritual readiness!!! I am convicted to equip them with knowledge and a love for the scriptures like Timothy’s mother did for him.

Over the years my children and I have memorized Psalm 23... and what God says true love is, and they studied to understand the stories of the patriarchs...and the imprint of the greatest commandment was on their hearts...I was challenged to show them what a treasure their faith is and I pray with all my heart that they have truly owned if for themselves...and that as they leave my house they will be "ready" to live it out in such a way that as others cross their paths, they will be more “attracted” to that genuine faith in their hearts, than their game of tennis!

Malta is beautiful this time of year ~

One morning I was reading about the apostle Paul. I had not realized that he had a big ministry plan to travel to Spain to share about Christ there (Romans 15:24&28). But, while in Jerusalem he was arrested and after many trials eventually he was sent to Rome to stand trial before Caesar. I thought about how this was certainly a distraction to his plans for Spain. As I read I learned that while sailing to Rome his ship was caught in a hurricane of sorts and wrecked upon the little island of Malta (Acts 28:1). I wondered about how distracted and delayed he must have felt from his plans for Spain…hmmm….maybe God had other plans for Paul.

The little island of Malta was an interesting stay for Paul. The people there were great hosts to the shipwrecked strangers. Paul was fed, refreshed and cared for (Acts 28:10 He also helped the islanders by miraculously healing the natives who were suffering from some kind of disease (Acts 28:7-8). After three months on this tiny island, they set sail for Rome...Caesar...trial.

It seemed that God had plans for Paul there too…(Acts 28:30-31) While he lived in confined quarters awaiting trial he wrote Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon. I wondered, would he have had that kind of uninterrupted time to write these amazing letters had he been busy in Spain?

What amazed me, was that there is no account that Paul ever made it to Spain. I guess The Lord had other plans for him. I do know though, that his life was in the heart of God's will, and that “will” curiously included arrest, shipwreck, and life in confinement in Rome, but it did not include Spain. So I pondered some more...I have to think that, knowing Paul, he had thoughtfully considered his intentions to go to Spain too, and thought he could do so much for the Lord there…. how interesting that he never made it…

So I considered my life... do I have a “Spain”…somewhere I aspire to be for only the best of intentions? Yes, I do, but for now God has divinely placed me in Malta. So Then I considered Paul in Malta…and decided to allow the Lord to use me here...to help others, to grow, and also to be refreshed. I just know that my Malta is nestled in the Lord’s will for my life just like it was for Paul.

Maybe at some point in my life I will find myself in “Rome”…settled in for a longer stay, feeling some confinement and restriction, and wondering how God can use me effectively. But, I can’t help but believe that Paul did not consider his imprisonment in Rome ideal conditions for ministry, yet he ministered anyway and many were being affected by this serving prisoner living in the Lord’s will and plans for him no matter how much they seemed to contradict his own plans.

So often I need to change my perspective and realize that I can be in the Lord’s will here and now…. There is not some "greatness" out there in the distance... I am not going to consider life in Malta one full of “distractions” putting off the great plans I have for my life. Ya know, maybe the distractions are the Lord’s plans for me….the heart of the journey, and maybe time shipwrecked in Malta is really the Lord purposefully moving me closer to the heart of his will.

I am determined to consider that there is great purpose in “Malta” and live in the “here and now” giving my plans over to the Lord loosely and daily and hopefully I will begin to realize that the journey is sometimes most lived in the shipwrecks of life.

burning bushes, rainbows and coffee

As I was reading the other morning, I noticed that there are many occasions where God gives his people signs that enable them to know that He is going to fulfill the promise He has made. Like to Noah He gave the rainbow..."I will never flood the earth again", Gideon got the fleese, Abraham got the stars, and Moses got the burning bush.

I began to wonder...where is my sign...Lord? Sometimes I am confused and sometimes I want to know exactly what you have planned for me...I want to know now where you are taking me...my husband's career, our family's future...I want a sign from you that says...YES! I will be in this battle and win it for you just like I did with Gideon, or I will cause your children to prosper, like I did with Abraham, or no storm will entirely overcome you just like I promised Noah.

I have actually found myself asking Lord to give me some kind of a sign ...some tangible confirmation that our family was firmly in his will, and that he would protect us, and be with us in our battles, and preserve our lives and that we would not be overcome by a flood of troubles...

But then it hit me...I did not really want a sign...I really wanted a reason not have so much faith... I wanted more visible and realistic reasons (signs) to trust Him than just that He is who say He is... 1 Corinthians 5:7 reads "We walk by faith and not by sight." Well, I wanted to "see" something....

But then something else hit me...God never changes...right...He can speak to me today as emphatically as he did then...and "his voice" was sitting in front of me at that very moment...His word is packed full of signs... Psalm 91 is an entire Psalm about the Lord's security, and protection. It is overflowing full of his promises...one after the other...

And then it hit me again...(I get hit a lot...sometimes it leaves a bump)...this is "my" sign...God has been giving it to me all my life...the promises in His word are meant to be as real to me as the stars in the sky were to Abraham or the fleece was to Gideon... I can take his word and chew on it and wrestle with it and I can go back to it again and again, and I can take it with me, and hide it in my heart...so many things you cannot do with fleeces, burning bushes and rainbows... and He hears my frustrations and needs whispered to Him over a cup of coffee as clearly as heard Moses and Abraham. So I decided that I am going to try to hear his voice, his promises to me, and I am going to be more aware of “my signs” in his word ...And stop waiting for the rainbows and burning bushes!

shooting stars

This morning I was reading about looking for God’s activity in our lives with the idea that his activity “is always” present, as opposed to the idea that He just “shows up” every once in a while. As I was reading, it dawned on me that sometimes I expect to see God the way I would expect to see a shooting star...like “wow, did you see that!” But I think that is all wrong...I think I should really be expecting to see God’s activity in my life in the same way I would walk outside after dark and expect to see the stars in the sky...they are there...they are always there..brilliant and beautiful...yet, most nights, I fail to take notice of them at all. Maybe I would see God more regularly if I quit looking for that one, rare, shooting star and saw his presence in the millions and millions of stars that I can see every night...I am challenged to expect to see his manifestation in the many ways that he “always is,” without waiting for some “wow, did you see that!” moment. Like the stars, how much am I missing that he is already doing? I want my eyes to be open to God in and all around me...so, this morning I prayed that he would take away the “shooting star” marvel of his activity, and I am going to expect to see him in the marvel of the stars in my life that are always present, always shining, all around me.

Lessons from Rain ~

Last night I awoke to the sounds of raindrops hitting our old windows. We sleep on the seccond floor, and the storms are so much louder up there.

 As I child I loved turbulant weather. I welcomed the sounds of rain pounding on the rooftop, and the deep barreling growl of the thunder. 

Every time it growled I pictured two massive black clouds running into one another right above my room. When the lightening flashed, it lit up the room like the lights were on. For one split second, I could see every detail in the room...what page my book was open to, a pile of clothes, my closet door that was slightly open... and so on the next flash, I would squint to see what I could identify in my closet...but only for one split second...becuse then as quickly as it came...darkness again..until the next one. And the thunder...the louder the better...I cherished the loudest, unexpected claps of thunder, where you feel your heart jump, and your insides vibrate.... I would fold down deeper into the covers, pulling them in tight around me...not out of fear, but out of delightful suspence...smiling, because somehow as the weather raged outside my window, I felt safe and secure just inside of it. 

On some nights, when the storms were especially loud, I would see the familiar flashes of blue and green lights coming from downstairs...not from the lightening, but from the tv...my parents were up, awakened by the storm...a few lamps were on and they were moving about the house,...I was never exactly sure what they were doing, but something in that movement made me feel safe, watched over, protected...so again, after the blues and greens were gone...I would curl down further into the covers and wait for the next one...the next crash, the next flash and pray that I fell asleep before the silence after the storm came...that was always the worst part...because it was over...

As an adult, I still welcome the storms at night...but I assume another response to the beating raindrops on the roof...if they are especially severe, my husband and I almost instinctively and without verbal exchange begin going through an understood "rain dance"...I check for any casualties left outside...a bike, some cleats....I peek out to make sure the car windows are up, we squint through all the windows checking the trees searching for loose branches, and Jeff double checks any vulnerable spots in the house for leaks...and then, like I remember as a child, we welcome the familiar green and blue lights, now from our phones,  to check the radar for any weather alerts. After a prayer against a lightening strike...it's back to bed, where I nostalgically curl up, sinking downward into my covers and wait with childlike suspense for the next...big...roar.

In last nights storm, as I watched the room light up, and pondered it all, it hit me...childlike faith...that was what I experienced in a storm as a child...complete assurance that my mother and father were on guard. I knew they were taking care of me, and I felt there active presence all through the house. They would not let me sleep through a fire caused by a lightening strike. They would not let a tree fall on my room...they might even be kind enough to retrieve my bike from the rusting rain.

Then I pondered...Life has storms too. They come unexpectedly...they come at night sometimes, and often, I fail to realize that any storms that come my way have been filtered through His hands....the hands that can command the storms to "be still!" He is also faithful to protect me, like I believed my parents to be...even more faithful than my own parents could have been.

In last night's storm, for the first time, I purposefully waited to hear it subside. I listened for the sweet silence that followed the noise, and in that silence, folded down into the covers, and thanked Him and I decided the next time a "life" storm comes my way, I am going to consider that "my Father is up"...He is always up...and yes, I might double check the vulnerable places for storm damage, and I might bring a casualty in from the rain, but I will also stop and thank Him...for always watching over me.. for staying up...for His presence in my house...in my life...in my storms...for sheltering me from the loud ones like my parents did, but also, for something my parents could never do...for calming them.

braver